In Search of An Internal Filtering System

It seems to me that one of the byproducts of modern technology is the erosion of simple standards of common courtesy.  We are constantly being inundated with stupidity.  Consider reality TV shows.  Apparently the main criterion is to pick seemingly stupid people (although perhaps they are not as stupid as they appear because they actually make a lot of money) who are willing to say and do extremely stupid things in front of a camera.  The only thing that differentiates these programs is usually the location and accent (New Jersey…or…Los Angeles?). Yet, it is truly like a train wreck and for some it is difficult to look away.  Then of course consider our political climate with most politicians ridiculing one another and blaming the opposing party for all the problems.  The use of diplomacy and dignity seems to be quickly fading away. 

Technology allows people in a few short seconds to send an instant message, twitter, e-mail, text message or post a Facebook comment saying the first thing that comes into their minds  and the whole world can see it.  Additionally, there are very few things we do that don’t get recorded by some security camera or cell phone.  One would think that would make people more careful, but somehow it seems to have had the opposite effect. 

The definition of a filter is “something that keeps out the impurities; to slow or partially obstruct the passage of something.”  I wonder if a personal internal filtering system were created that would cause everyone to think for just a second before they say exactly what is on their minds how much kinder (and quieter) our world might be? 

You have probably seen those little questions that pop up on your computer screen “Do you want to delete this file?” or “Do you want to leave this page?”  Wouldn’t it be nice if we had a program in our mind that had a pop up screen that said “Do you really want to say that?”  Perhaps even better would be a wrist bracelet that would send an electric shock wave every time someone is about to say something harsh, rude, inappropriate or just plain stupid.  Just think how much less regret people would have in their lives. 

In the “good old days” when you had to actually write a letter to communicate it seemed to require a bit more forethought.  Do I have something worthwhile to communicate?  Is it worth my time and energy to write this letter?  Am I saying something in a way that really reflects how I feel about that subject?  Am I being offensive in any way?  Will the way I am expressing myself be interpreted correctly?  

Our pastor recently challenged us to look back over our Facebook comments to see if what we think we believe lines up with our posts.  While considering that I found myself so thankful for the little voice in my mind that has popped up so many times and said, “Perhaps you should re-read that before you press the send button.”  I can tell you that I have had to backspace over numerous snide remarks and harsh responses.  That little moment of clarity has saved me a lot of embarrassment and humiliation.  It has also saved me from causing hurt to others that I would never wish to cause. 

I know I already have an internal filtering system; unfortunately I just don’t always access it.  The more I understand about the importance of what I say and even more importantly what I believe, I have learned to choose my words much more wisely.  The Bible actually says in Proverbs 18:21 “Death and life are in the power of the tongue”.  That being the case, it only makes sense that it would be in my best interest to speak words of life. 

It also says in Ephesians 4:29-32 “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen…Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, and slander…and be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” If we all conducted our lives remembering that bit of advice our world would radically change. 

At any rate, if some brilliant person can invent a filtering device that causes one to think before they speak or hit the send button, he or she would likely become the next millionaire.  I know I would be the first in line to buy it.

The Pectator

Being the youngest of five children I grew up with the notion that the world revolved directly around me.  I don’t think it was just because I was the youngest, although that was certainly a factor.  Another aspect was that when I was born there were a couple of “traumas” involved with my birth which seemed to have an impact particularly on my father.  For instance when I was born I was a breech birth – which of course indicated that I entered the world rear-end first.  (Frankly, I try not to dwell on what that might signify). 

The pleasant breech delivery for my mother resulted with her having a very painful hernia which laid her up for a little while.  At that same time, I was diagnosed with a blood disease which required a blood transfusion and consulting a specialist.  This situation required my father to step up and actually be “involved”.  Previous to this, when my mother had the joy of bringing a new life into the world, my father would be celebrating with his buddies at the local bar.  According to my mother, my father actually “kicked in” in the fatherhood department for the first time (such a shame because he had cleverly managed to sidestep this for the previous 20 years).  Consequently, I had the pleasure of growing up to be “the apple of his eye”, “a little princess”, and was pretty spoiled to say the least.

At the age of three I was faced with an interesting dilemma that momentarily caused me to question if the world truly did revolve around me.  My sister Lisa, who was five, was offered the highly esteemed position of flower girl for my oldest brother Mike’s wedding.  This event caused a major disruption in my universe.  I observed with great shock and indignation the purchase of a white princess dress trimmed in pink, crowned with lace, toile and ribbons, a puffy white hat with a big pink bow, white satin gloves, delicately flowered white socks, and shiny white patten leather shoes; all for my sister Lisa and not ME.  Needless to say, I was simply horrified and was certain the world was about to end.  This could not be happening.  It had to be a nightmare and perhaps I would wake up soon.  However, this was not to be.

I interrogated my mother to find out how to put an end to this atrocity and with the wisdom that only a mother has, she informed me of her neglect to have previously told me of my own highly esteemed position.  Surprisingly enough, mine was actually the most important position in the entire wedding.  I had the vital, crucial, essential, all important job of being “The Spectator”. 

I could breathe again and all was right with my universe.  I too had a special dress, albeit not as fancy because my special dress was the only dress a Spectator could wear.  I too was privileged to have new patten leather shoes, new socks and a new hat. 

Now to my responsibilities with this position – although my mother was somewhat vague with this, I figured it out, I was to inform every visitor at the wedding of my highly esteemed position.  

Therefore with great exuberance on that special day, one by one as the wedding guests entered the church, it was my important task to track them down and let them know the news they had been waiting to hear – I am Janice and I am the Pectator (said as only a three year old could pronounce it).

Lessons Learned From Paris Hilton

I am somewhat concerned my initial title will be wasted on a few of my friends as they may have no idea who Paris Hilton is.  I can picture some quizzical frowns and raised eyebrows of some who are thinking “Paris who?” and perhaps those who know of her reputation are thinking “What good lesson can be learned from this socialite? 

Albeit most people probably don’t consider Ms. Hilton to be an exemplary role model, I have noted a facet of her life that may be worth a bit of reflection.  I am no expert on Paris Hilton, but the one thing I know about her is that she is a “Hilton”.  Wikipedia‘s description of the Hilton Family will tell you they are “a prominent family founded by hotel magnate Conrad Hilton (1887-1979).  His descendants continue to hold varying degrees of wealth and status as socialites, and some have become famous such as great grand-daughter Paris Hilton.”  Wow, what a legacy!  Her grandfather owned a chain of hotels and they have mega bucks.  Nonetheless, in our society wealth is quite a big deal and it takes you places you don’t necessarily deserve to go. 

Being an occasional entertainment show watcher, I have noted Paris gets around quite a bit going to Hollywood premiers, awards shows, fashion shows and TV late night talk shows.  She has also appeared in a couple of reality TV shows; she has recorded her own music album entitled “Paris” and starred in a horror film entitled “House of Wax”.  According to Wikipedia she is “an example of the modern phenomenon of the ‘celbutante‘, the celebrity who rises to fame not because of their talent or work but because of their inherited wealth and controversial lifestyle.” 

So, what is this lesson I have learned from Paris?   Well in my keen observation and sense for the obvious, I get the impression that Paris knows where she comes from and takes full advantage of the “perks” that come from being an heir of her rich Grandpa Hilton.  It appears that she expects to be treated like royalty and enjoys the finest material things from life; i.e.: designer clothing, 4 star hotels, first class travel, etc.  Based on some apparent drug use and incidents with the law, one might also conclude she expects that when she does find herself in trouble it will be handled without her having to face the consequences.   

This observation has caused me to reflect on my own life and brings to question “Whose heir am I?”  “What do I expect as a result of my heritage?” “Do I fully identify with whose I am and understand the resources that are available to me based on my birthright?”  

Although I have an appreciation for my earthly heritage the reality is that my spiritual heritage is the one that excites me.   There are extreme limitations placed on me because of my earthly heritage, but my spiritual heritage removes all limitations on what I am able to be, do, or experience in this life and my after life.  So, what does that mean for me?   Well here are a few things the Bible has to say about it. 

In Galatians 4:6-7 it says “God hath sent forth the Spirit of his Son into your hearts, crying, Abba, Father. Wherefore thou art no more a servant, but a son; and if a son, then an heir of God through Christ.” 

Okay! That is cool because I had this enormous desire in my heart that was actually put there by God to which I responded and I became an heir of God!  That is a sweet deal.  Not only do I have the privilege of having an intimate relationship with my heavenly Father, I also get a great inheritance. 

In 1 Peter 2:9-10 it says “But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvelous light”

Okay!  This is way cool too because I used to be in darkness - but light is truly marvelous.  I have a clear path now.  You know how painful it can be to get up in the dark and stub your toe on the chair (just sayin!).

In 1 Peter 1:3-4 it says “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, which according to his abundant mercy hath begotten us again unto a lively hope by the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead,  To an inheritance incorruptible, and undefiled, and that fadeth not away.”

Okay!  Again, this is way cool because my earthly heritage certainly had its aspects of corruption and the blessing of my parents’ inheritance got spent a long time ago.  God’s inheritance does not fade away!

In 2 Peter 1:3-4 it says “According as his divine power hath given unto us all things that pertain unto life and godliness, through the knowledge of him that hath called us to glory and virtue”

Okay!  I have to admit this is probably one of my top 10 favorite verses in the Bible and I quote it daily.  Not only do I have a great heavenly inheritance…but today and everyday, God has made provision for me.  I remember my pastor describing an analogy of God’s provision and it has stuck in my head for years now - he related it to preparing for a long hike through the mountains and sending supplies ahead of time to preset holding stations.  Just about the time you are ready for more supplies, you reach your holding station and you replenish your stock.  That is like what God’s provision is for us.  He loves us so much that He has gone before us and made provision for anything we need. 

I’m trying to keep this relatively short - so my brief synopsis is this….. Ms. Hilton seems to be keenly aware of her status and place in life as a Hilton.  She seems to draw on the resources available to her.  The more I learn of God and His nature, the more I come to know Him as a loving Father who has given me everything pertaining unto life and godliness, the more I realize that I’ve got it really, really, really good! 

Just sayin!

Wow That is a Great Frame

Have you ever given much thought to picture frames? What about the frame work of a house? What is the purpose of a frame and why do we use them? Ever wonder what the definition of a frame is? I have, so I looked it up. One definition is that of an underlying or supporting structure, a structure that surrounds or encloses a particular space, a surrounding border or framework, especially a decorative or contrasting one.

When I look at picture frames I can see how these frames enhance the pictures inside. I see that frames can make a beautiful picture look absolutely stunning, or an ordinary picture look great. However, I have also seen frames that look utterly horrible and it would not matter how beautiful the picture in the middle was, it would still be an eyesore because of the bad frame.

The framework of a house is part of what holds that house together. If the framework fails the house falls apart completely. But a good framework will support your walls and keep them from crashing in.
So where am I going with this? Over the last few years I have been thinking a lot about how I “frame” events in my life. By this I mean what I think and feel about the events that have happened. You can have two people encounter the same circumstances, but how they decide to think about their circumstances has everything to do with how they process them, what actions they decide to take, and how they let them affect their lives. You will find some people who grew up poverty-stricken embrace education and rise above their circumstances to become incredibly successful and others who just continue in the path of poverty. Similarly I have met people who grew up in horribly abusive environments choose to forgive and rise above the hurt and pain they experienced to become loving, whole persons and of course others who repeat the cycle of abuse and do to their own families the atrocities previously done to them.

I have started to regard my thoughts and feelings as a framework for my life. I have decided that I would much rather use a beautiful frame than an ugly one - well if that isn’t deep, I don’t know what is. I would also rather have a strong frame/support around the walls of my life than a weak one that is going to come crashing in. I have personally found this framing process to be a very helpful one in my life. I have also found the key for me to make a decision to have a strong/beautiful frame surrounding my life is knowing God, knowing that the greatest frame work in my life is His love, and knowing that I have the ability to connect with Him in such a way that I have the power to choose the best frame.

Allow me to give an example….a little over a year ago my daughter left for Seoul, South Korea to teach English for a year. Although I was proud of her for making such an adventuresome decision I was also exceedingly sad to say goodbye knowing it would be such a long time before I would get to see her again. The temptation to be depressed over this was strong for me as we have always been quite close. I would start to dwell on the fact that if she needed me I would be unable to reach her; who would take care of her if she were sick; who would look out for her in case of a disaster; what about the crazy leader in North Korea, and so on. Then of course I would dwell on how much I would miss talking to her on the phone, texting several times a day, and just hanging out. I quickly realized I needed to reframe this picture big time. As I prayed about this I heard a little phrase go through my mind - choose to refuse. That was the simple little answer I needed. I can choose to refuse to be fearful, sad, depressed, etc. I can choose to reframe this whole situation; which is exactly what I did. It took a little time for me to do this habitually since negative thoughts don’t usually just stop the first instant you decide to reject them. But as I continued to replace my negative thoughts with the positive ones that the Lord would help bring to mind, it was a battle that was quickly won.

There are actually a couple of Bible scriptures that really line up with this way of thinking. Phillipians 4:8 says “Finally, brothers and sisters, keep your thoughts on whatever is right or deserves praise: things that are true, honorable, fair, pure, acceptable, or commendable.” (God‘s Word Version)
　
It states in 2 Corinthians 10:4-5 “For the weapons of our warfare are not physical [weapons of flesh and blood], but they are mighty before God for the overthrow and destruction of strongholds, [Inasmuch as we] refute arguments and theories and reasonings and every proud and lofty thing that sets itself up against the [true] knowledge of God; and we lead every thought and purpose away captive into the obedience of Christ” This verse is saying that “we lead every thought-”. This tells me that I have been given the power to direct my thoughts wherever I choose - for good or bad. Knowing that this is something I have the power to control gave me the understanding I needed to reframe my thinking. I have the power to choose to refuse anything that is a harmful way of thinking and replace it with the knowledge of God. Fear, doubt, anxiety, depression, unforgiveness: whatever the thought, it is something I can control myself.


So what is today’s conclusion? If the frame around your thoughts are ugly or broken you can pick a different frame.